Time for a genocide
Friends, lovers, family, aquantices, complete strangers - head my words.
It is time for an internet genocide. Yes. Genocide. It is time for us to systematically hunt out and kill an entire race of people.
Which race?
Those who do not believe in the evolution of the internet.
Below is a list of people we must murder.
1. People who use AOL by choice for more than 6 months.
2. Anyone who is too lazy to type out words like "are" and "you", replacing them with letters instead.
3. ANYONE USING INTERNET EXPLORER BY CHOICE
4. Any person who talks in "1337" after the age of 13.
5. Any person that things blinking text is usefull and fun.
6. Any website that is IE only, not even letting other browsers see a shitty version of the facist site.
7. Anyone who codes shitty CSS just so they can have their IE scroll bars a different color.
8. Anyone that is on more than one AIM/ICQ/YIM/MSN name at the same time.
9. Anyone that has more than 3 different e-mail addresses.
10. Geocities.
11. The fucker who created flaming blue text.
12. Anyone who asks "a/s/l"
This is just a short list of people that need to found, and stabbed in the face. These people are stopping the evolution of the internet. Mainly the IE one, but AOL is just as bad. Instead of moving on and seeing just because it came with your OS, doesn't mean its good. They do not understand the newest things and IE isn't expected to be updated until Longhorn in 2006.
2006.
If I gave you a pair of glasses, and one lense had a small crack in it, would you wear them? Well pretend the world was the internet and the glasses were called IE. You can live with the crack, but it's always there.
Now what if I said I would repair it for you.
After I charge you $200 for a new frame and will do it in 2006?
It is time we kill the idiots holding back a better, faster internet.
We all learn through trail and error, so it wont kill us.
The internet should not be handed to us in clickable fun icons that blink smile and dance, it should be a skill you must learn.
Comments
yis the "are" and "you" should be spelled out. i yelled at teachers for having a shirt that says, "A gr8 place 4 u to score high" it was a shirt for a standardized test we take.
Posted by: Nite | May 19, 2004 4:26 PM
Regarding #s 1, 3, 8 and 9: Fuck you.
Posted by: Mewtwo | May 19, 2004 5:29 PM
Hey bud, you slowing the internet.
Posted by: Doc | May 19, 2004 5:50 PM
Thank god I'm not using Internet Explorer by choice...wait, that's still bad.
Oh, and Doc, you forgot the people who speak "l337" even when they're not online. I hate those kids in school who talk like that. x.x
Posted by: Celeste_Raimirez | May 19, 2004 5:58 PM
Some notes:
-Fuck yes this rocks, I've been thinking of this as a component of my broader "War Against Fucktards". Number two in particular.
-Surely, you mean "heed my words", right?
-There are exceptions to every rule, as my elderly grandparents have used AOL, and it's rather much to ask their ossified minds to suddenly grasp and comprehend advanced aspects of technology that has only been commonly available for a very insignificant fraction of their lives.
Posted by: MJK | May 19, 2004 6:05 PM
Yay! But I use IE because I'm too lazy to download another browser. I had someone else reccomend Firefox to me, so maybe I will go download it...
Posted by: Tyu | May 20, 2004 10:03 AM
That big 2 inch gap is just such a HUGE reason to use FireFox over IE... /sarcasm
Posted by: Mewtwo | May 21, 2004 10:22 AM
You didn't create the page, so you don't know what it's like to have something that is CSS VALIDATED, fail.
Posted by: Doc | May 21, 2004 11:20 AM
YES. You are my new favorite person. I'm gonna add to the list, though.
Otaku.
Namely people who shout BAKA or KAWAII without the specific intention to annoy them.
UG.
Posted by: Lorikas | May 21, 2004 2:53 PM
Who is this? n..n;;
Posted by: Doc | May 21, 2004 7:44 PM
The illuminati!
And as such that I so obviously am, instead of some guy on an old Pentium 2 laptop and a wireless connection, I'll write you the secrets of the world, if you wish. In a number cipher. We illuminati like to toy with people, you see. It's how we get our kicks. I'm too lazy to write the script for calculating the numbers at the moment, though.
Posted by: Lorikas | May 21, 2004 11:53 PM
I've use AOL by choice for more than 6 months. I use IE by choice - because I'm lazy. I code webpages to be whatever-the-hell-I-use-only. I have 4 AIM names. I have 5 e-mail addresses. Since when is having "3" okay and "4" not? 1 th1nk 175 b3c4uz3 u h4v3 3! i thnk U R have 2 much problem w/ othar ppl on teh intranetz0rz. ...so, ASL?
Posted by: Random Act | October 25, 2004 2:12 AM